Sunday, August 24, 2008

Grace

I'm quite ashamed of myself and the way that I'm feeling right now.

I had a pretty ordinary week at work last week - I was either one or two staff down every day, and we've been fighting some pretty tight deadlines. The worst of these deadlines are as part of a project we have taken on as a favour and every single person involved has been calling me every 5 minutes, or emailing me and then calling before the email gets to me. Driving me crazy. Doing it as part of 13 - 14 hour days without breaks on top of my usual job has just been insane.

By the end of the week I was feeling really tired, very sore, and very resentful. I resented that they didn't appreciate we still had full time jobs to do, as well as organising their project. I was so frustrated that the constant calls from multiple people were giving conflicting requests and information. So very over it.

At lunchtime on Friday I got a call from the mail room. There was a package for me and I had to come and collect it. It was a massive bunch of lilies for me, thanking me for all my hard work.

They are just beautiful flowers, but every time I look at them on the mantelpiece, all I can think about is my frustration and resentment towards the people who sent them to me.

I ashamed of my lack of grace. They have made the effort to send me something beautiful to thank me, and all I am doing is resenting it.

4 comments:

Jellyhead said...

It's OK to feel like this. It means something, especially when the person involved is a kind-hearted person like yourself. It means that these other people asked TOO MUCH of you (lilies or no lilies), and that next time you may have to 'just say no'.

It's great to be giving but it's another thing altogether to bring yourself to the point of utter exhaustion.

Don't feel guilty, listen to your poor body and your emotions... they are sending you a clear message (and it's not that you lack grace!)

(Sorry for the lecture but I'm a bit a crusader on this matter! I have done the self-same thing many times before and I'm trying to reform)

In_spired said...

Oh, my! thisisme...you mean you're admitting to being human?

Your so-called "shame of lack of grace" tells me that you are a person full of grace. The fact that you make recognition of a human frailty is generated from fatique and frustration. You are not alone in these feelings. I've been there, done that! The trick is not to let them fester into full-blown sores! After a time of rest, you'll be back to your "graceful" self!

Queenie said...

Lady, don't you dare reprimand yourself (it would seem there has been a queue to do this). People like you who offer there time and effort are priceless, pat yourself on the head, sniff your well earned flowers, and remember your a gem....

Daniel said...

In my view every person ought to look at it.
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