Calm

I had a very interesting drive to work yesterday morning after my night of bizarre dreams and futile coin tossing. Tossing coins and then responding with best of three, no, best of five, is not the way to make important decisions.

So, my trip to work too about 40 minutes longer than usual. Taxi drivers were protesting at a major intersection and the flow on effect hit all inbound roads. Sitting in traffic, listening to the radio, I found myself thinking that it would be really good if I had a Blackberry, cos that way I could get ahead of my work day.

Big red stop sign.

I don't want to have a Blackberry. I don't want to have a work laptop to use at home. I want my friends and family to be able to spend time with me. I don't want to end up feeling the way I did by the end of my last job. Those of you who have been around for a while probably remember that. A month after leaving there my mum told me that I was nice again. I don't want to go back to being that person.

I made a lot of people very happy yesterday. Most importantly, I made myself happy. My relationships are more important to me than work. I think I've finally learnt it. I know that I have workaholic tendencies - and I've been trying to shed them for a while. I don't need to have a 6 figure salary. I can support myself, put a little away for a rainy day, regularly support my charities of choice. Money is nice (ok, very nice), but the people in my life are more important.

Oh, and the little piece of professional satisfaction? Within five minutes of leaving my bosses office telling her that I would be staying I'd received a call from the CEO telling me how very happy he was that I was staying and promising to support further development and salary increases, 3 emails from different HR people, and a massive hug from the Sales Manager who was over the moon. I'm feeling very valued and appreciated.

It could all end in tears ...

Well today was a complete piece of poo at work. I walked in and copped a barrage of flak from a salesperson and the day went downhill from there. It was one of those frustrating days where I couldn't spend more than 2 minutes focusing on something without someone appearing at my desk with a question or a demand. Then 2 minutes later they'd be back wanting to know why I hadn't finished the thing they'd asked for 10 minutes ago. Aaargh.

I got so frustrated that when I got asked something this afternoon I pulled one of the managers into a meeting room and burst into tears at him. I told him that I was ready to walk out and not come back. It actually turned into an impromptu meeting where he took 3 pages of notes and we started brainstorming solutions. What started with me being really frustrated with my day and even more frustrated with bursting into tears ended up being really constructive. I think a few bottoms are going to be kicked.

He said that he doesn't want to lose me, and will do pretty much anything to ensure that I stay and I'm happy. I told him that I was hearing from headhunters and that some of the options were very tempting, offering me the chance to spend more time on what I enjoy and less time putting out fires and babysitting adults.

Meanwhile, in the headhunting world, they are checking my references. I've got no idea why they specifically requested me, and now are checking my references. I'm bewildered and still no closer to a decision.

I suspect I'm having some post anaesthetic blues too. I'm sure that doesn't help.