In your head

I often wonder what really happens inside my head, and how my thought processes do what they do. How do I remember some very peculiar things, but can't keep track of where the keys are?

This week has had some pretty special examples. I was at my physio appointment on Tuesday, and my physio asked me what I had given my mother for Mother's Day. A pretty reasonable question, and it was only 2 days after the fact. What did I say I'd given Mum? A watermelon and three bags of potting mix. She looked at me askance, and I tried again. I gave mum a watermelon and three bags of potting mix. I felt myself giving that head shake that you do when you are trying to get something out of your head and tried again. I gave mum a watermelon and three bags of potting mix. I gave up and wrote it down.

I think I've got an evil sprite living in my head, programming the very scary jukebox from hell. So far this week on high rotation I've had Blame it on the Rain by Milli Vanilli, Take it from me by Girlfriend, Help me Rhonda (conjuring up scary visions of Gordon from Melmac) by the Beach Boys, Delilah by Tom Jones (velvet, that was you!), and Zombie by the Cranberries. The only way that I know how to get rid of any of them is to start singing god save the queen. I don't mean the lyrics either, just that dum dum dum dum dumdum over and over, clearing the mind for the next scary set of song lyrics.

The words that I'm thinking in my head aren't the ones that I'm typing either. This blog entry has taken ages to do, because I have to keep rereading and realising that when I type wear I really mean where. It has happened with the other thing I've been writing (aka righting) too - I seem to have a bad case of the typing homophones. It really is most disconcerting. Even more unfortunate has been my inability to type my name incorrectly. If one vowel is replaced by another vowel, my name becomes something quite obscene. If nothing else, I've been very entertaining for the people around me.

Oh, and for those who may be wondering, it was a wheelbarrow.

Idiot

I can't believe I'm adding more attention to the ultimate waste of space, but I haven't been able to escape this in the news, and everytime I hear it, I yell at the radio, or the tv, or make rude gestures at the paper. Hopefully I can write it out.

Paris Hilton, get over yourself. You drove drunk. You lost your license. You were put on probation. One of the conditions of probation is that you don't break the law. You were told to attend an alcohol education program, and enrol by February 12. You hadn't done it by April 17.

You drove without a licence. You got pulled over. You signed a piece of paper that acknowledged you shouldn't be driving. You were caught again. Speeding. Driving at night without headlights on.

Stop playing dumb and blaming your staff for you not knowing. You signed a piece of paper acknowledging you shouldn't be driving. If you are dumb enough to sign things you don't understand, you are definitely too dumb to be driving.

Driving is a privilege that comes with responsibilities, not a right. You forfeited that right when you chose to be so irresponsible.

Right now, the only people affected by your actions are yourself and your family. You are lucky. You could have killed someone. You could have injured someone. You could have killed yourself. That's not hot.

Time to grow up. Accept the punishment you have been given. Try not to make money off it. Just once. When you get out, pay a driver. I'm pretty sure you can afford it.

Lock them up and throw away the key

There are some words and phrases that I never want to hear again.

"at the end of the day"
"synergies"
"I, personally"
"at this point in time"

I'm very sure there are more that I haven't thought of yet. I won't forget to share :)