I'm back

Well, that was a lovely unplanned blogholiday. Thanks to my ISP for their outstanding incompetent boobery. I think I might need a new phrase, but that one sums them up way too well.

So while I was away, what's been happening? I learnt that I don't control everything around me. Pretty scary. I like controlling everything around me, but I've learnt I can't.

Know what else - I like me. I'm not sure where it has come from, but all of a sudden, I like who I am. I don't know if I've ever been able to say that before in my 30 odd years, but I can, and I mean it. I've noticed that I've changed the way that I walk, and I'm not waiting for anyone else anymore. I can take on the world, and if I need to, I can win. I'm not alone if I need help either.

I can honestly say that I'm happy. And I like it.

Offline

I'm going to be offline for the next few days. I'm heading into hospital this morning for a procedure that should enormously improve my quality of life. Of course, the downside is that I won't have internet access :) Oh poor me.

Take care of yourselves, and I'll catch up with you all when I'm home.

Why do you build me up buttercup baby just to let me down

I found myself singing that song a lot yesterday afternoon after I got off the phone from the nice computer technician. My hopes were built up so high, and I really believed that I would have my laptop back yesterday afternoon.

And then, all my hopes came crashing down around me, with the phone conversation I didn't want to have. My beautiful, still new laptop is still a very unhappy camper. Right now, it still won't even acknowledge that it has ever had the Windows O/S installed, even though it still shows that lovely Windows logo, and has Windows error messages and my favourite, the Windows blue screen of death appearing. Woo!! Back to square one. Tomorrow I get to call the geniuses at Hewlett Packard again and go through the joys of their "help desk".

Most disturbing of all, is that I've learnt over the last 2 weeks just how much the internet really is a massive part of my life. The structure of my days has really changed, and I'm feeling quite discombobulated. Each weekday, I would sit down with a cup of coffee or tea, and my breakfast, and catch up with everyone's blogs, maybe post something myself, and read the days headlines. I realised yesterday that I've missed breakfast every day this week, and just how out of whack my routine is. At work, I'm managing to keep up with my emails (thanks Jelly, you've been making me smile) and do any urgent online banking, but I'm just not getting anything else done. I'm trying to plan for the 2 of us to have Easter away, and I haven't had my research and booking tool of choice available to use. I've got posts teeming around in my head, and this is actually a test email to post, so that if I do have stuff I want to say it won't keep whirling around and around in my head. If this works I can draft stuff on my phone :) Someone say geek?

I have to admit though, that I realised just how much I was suffering from withdrawal when we were lying on the bed having a cuddle last night before we went out for dinner and going through our day. I heard myself asking about his time surfing yesterday, and then said "and did you visit any good web sites? What did you do on the internet today? Does the internet miss me?" Quite tragic. I can't imagine why he kept laughing at me - no really. I also really miss the time that we talk using msn when we are both online. I know that we talk on the phone and see each other but it is just that extra bit of communication that keeps things running just a little more smoothly.

Dear Internet

I miss you. Please come back. Not coping. Need internet NOW!!

I'm writing essays on my laptop, but I just haven't been able to make my laptop and the internet talk to each other. Sitting on communal computer. Can't write properly.

Not coping. Please send internet now.