Friday, May 16, 2008

Angry eyes

My skin crawls. I can feel someone watching me. I look up and around, wanting to find out who and why. Dark, glittering eyes, almost black, are staring at me with an intensity I cannot fathom. I smile tentatively, hoping to break the glare. It doesn't work. The glare intensifies. She pushes past me, muttering.

**This actually happened at work today and really freaked me out. I'm still bemused by it. **

Thursday, May 15, 2008

New Tricks

I signed up for a public speaking course today. I'm tired of being scared of standing up and talking to people. I'm actually really looking forward to it now.

First night, June 4.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Lovely day

I didn't have to go the office today. Instead I spent today doing an intermediate Excel course. I had so much fun. Lots of what we covered I knew bits of, but I learnt so many useful shortcuts and finally understand some of the formulae that have been terrifying me for years. My not so inner geek had a wonderful time. The trainer even said to me at one point in front of the whole group "you are really enjoying this aren't you". Well yes. Loved it.

On the way home I stopped off at the gym and had a fantastic hour and a bit mixing up cardio and weights. I'm not sure if I've blogged about the gym, but I've been going most of this year and loving it. It really is the best destresser and high that I have. Not quite sure why I didn't do it sooner.

When I got home I had 2 letters, and neither of them had windows. Blessed relief! I got my new book from Amazon - The Fug Awards from those funny snarky Fug Girls. Best of all though, I had a letter confirming that my sponsor child in Burma is in the area which was not affected, and to the best of their knowledge is OK. I really hope so.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Don't drink and dream

I went out for dinner last night. I had 2 glasses of white and 1 of red. Bad move.

I dreamt I was walking down a dirt track between 2 big muddy lakes with a friend from 15 years ago, talking about how our friendship had lapsed and changed. As we were walking, the track had ripples going through it. People were dropping from one lake to the other through the track, walruses were undulating through the track, and we had paused to look at one of the swimmers when a massive, mud coloured croocodile came up through the path and lunged for me. I managed to fend it off with my foot, but it kept coming back. The worst of it was that it was recurring - I had to keep getting up to go to the toilet, and whenever I went back to bed, the crocodile headed for my foot again. Weird. I've never dreamt of crocodiles or walruses before.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008


It is a big year for celebrations in my family this year. Both my parents are turning 60, my stepfather is turning 65, my younger sister is turning 25, my youngest sister turned 5 and I'm turning 35 (eeek!!)

The next event is Dad's 60th birthday later this month. To celebrate he is holding an open house followed by a family dinner. I'm actually really looking forward to it now. Lots of our family are travelling interstate and intrastate, and I haven't seen some of them since my grandfather's 80th 4 years ago. Even the ones I last saw in September are cause for celebration.

In the last year or so I've felt that my life is coming full circle in a lot of ways. I seem to have been picking up connections from my past that I've dropped. I think I've been more at peace with myself, and more comfortable facing my fears, and knowing that I'm living up to my expectations, not anyone else's. I'm really looking forward to Dad's birthday party - both my parents will be there, many of their friends from my childhood and so much of my extended family.

Dad called me tonight. He wants me to arrange the music for his birthday. I'm really excited to do it. It is something that I can do which will contribute to the mood of the day, but is so very personal. He has asked for music of the 60's and 70's. It will be the soundtrack of his life, but in so many ways the soundtrack to my childhood too. My mind is whirring with the possibilities.

Thursday, May 01, 2008


I had a very interesting drive to work yesterday morning after my night of bizarre dreams and futile coin tossing. Tossing coins and then responding with best of three, no, best of five, is not the way to make important decisions.

So, my trip to work too about 40 minutes longer than usual. Taxi drivers were protesting at a major intersection and the flow on effect hit all inbound roads. Sitting in traffic, listening to the radio, I found myself thinking that it would be really good if I had a Blackberry, cos that way I could get ahead of my work day.

Big red stop sign.

I don't want to have a Blackberry. I don't want to have a work laptop to use at home. I want my friends and family to be able to spend time with me. I don't want to end up feeling the way I did by the end of my last job. Those of you who have been around for a while probably remember that. A month after leaving there my mum told me that I was nice again. I don't want to go back to being that person.

I made a lot of people very happy yesterday. Most importantly, I made myself happy. My relationships are more important to me than work. I think I've finally learnt it. I know that I have workaholic tendencies - and I've been trying to shed them for a while. I don't need to have a 6 figure salary. I can support myself, put a little away for a rainy day, regularly support my charities of choice. Money is nice (ok, very nice), but the people in my life are more important.

Oh, and the little piece of professional satisfaction? Within five minutes of leaving my bosses office telling her that I would be staying I'd received a call from the CEO telling me how very happy he was that I was staying and promising to support further development and salary increases, 3 emails from different HR people, and a massive hug from the Sales Manager who was over the moon. I'm feeling very valued and appreciated.