Answers

We had my blood test today. Then we tried to keep occupied. Husband went to the gym and did some cooking, I ran errands and had a massage. My phone rang while I was in the supermarket.

Positive.

Positive.

Positive.

I'm stunned. And over the moon. And thrilled. Husband is still slightly in shock, but was trying to work out how to explain why he looked so happy if anyone asked him at work. We are both daunted too. We hoped for this result but have been preparing for the opposite.

Positive.

We've got a long way to go, but it's a beginning.

Positive

Soup

I got a text from one of my friends yesterday asking me to make some soup. Just simple vegetable soup for her sick boyfriend until they can work out what is wrong with his stomach.

I loved being able to help her out, and especially enjoyed being able to do something concrete. The simple physical actions of peeling and chopping the potatoes and carrots, picking and slicing the beans and then putting it in the pot with some vegetable stock, pasta and water was very satisfying. Stirring the soup gave my afternoon a soothing routine and smelling the soup throughout the house just made me happy.

There is something I've always loved about the community of cooking and eating together. Now I've learnt about the community of preparing food for others, and not needing to be there to eat with them. I didn't need to be there to watch him eat it, I'm happy that he managed to keep it down and it didn't add to his pain.

Home

I've been really remiss in posting lately, but I seem to have been flat out crazy busy. Since my last post I've run a trivia night, sent off our wedding invitations and had a lovely month settling into our home with my gorgeous man.

It feels like home now. Tonight I was organising dinner for tomorrow night, and it just felt so right that I was standing in our kitchen chopping vegetables for the shepherd's pie. Yesterday we went plant shopping, and I was so excited to get a double grafted lemon and lime tree. I miss my lemon tree from my old house, but I'm very pleased to say that the rosemary has thrived. It is fun planning our weeks and our time together. And our time apart.

I'm sure we have hideous couply moments, but right now, everything is good.

Lovely day

I didn't have to go the office today. Instead I spent today doing an intermediate Excel course. I had so much fun. Lots of what we covered I knew bits of, but I learnt so many useful shortcuts and finally understand some of the formulae that have been terrifying me for years. My not so inner geek had a wonderful time. The trainer even said to me at one point in front of the whole group "you are really enjoying this aren't you". Well yes. Loved it.

On the way home I stopped off at the gym and had a fantastic hour and a bit mixing up cardio and weights. I'm not sure if I've blogged about the gym, but I've been going most of this year and loving it. It really is the best destresser and high that I have. Not quite sure why I didn't do it sooner.

When I got home I had 2 letters, and neither of them had windows. Blessed relief! I got my new book from Amazon - The Fug Awards from those funny snarky Fug Girls. Best of all though, I had a letter confirming that my sponsor child in Burma is in the area which was not affected, and to the best of their knowledge is OK. I really hope so.

I'm back

Well, that was a lovely unplanned blogholiday. Thanks to my ISP for their outstanding incompetent boobery. I think I might need a new phrase, but that one sums them up way too well.

So while I was away, what's been happening? I learnt that I don't control everything around me. Pretty scary. I like controlling everything around me, but I've learnt I can't.

Know what else - I like me. I'm not sure where it has come from, but all of a sudden, I like who I am. I don't know if I've ever been able to say that before in my 30 odd years, but I can, and I mean it. I've noticed that I've changed the way that I walk, and I'm not waiting for anyone else anymore. I can take on the world, and if I need to, I can win. I'm not alone if I need help either.

I can honestly say that I'm happy. And I like it.

My name is thisisme, and I'm a workaholic

I've been reverting to my workaholic habits again. Every day this week I've been sitting at my desk before 8 am, several before 7.30 am. I left work at 6.50 tonight. My earliest finish for the week. I took 20 minutes for lunch today too, so I've been really slack. I took a personal phone call too.

I don't want to turn back into the person I was 15 months ago. I'm tired. Naturally. I'm dreaming about work and getting frustrated. On the plus side, it did solve a problem that has been bugging me for months. I'm snappy. I know I'm doing it, and I hate it, but I think I've forgotten how to stop. My weekends are too short. I'm trying to pack in a whole world of life into the weekend. I think about packing it all in and becoming a checkout chick. All care and no responsibility. I'm not happy right now.

I love my early mornings and late finishes. They are the most productive parts of my day. My day goes downhill about 9 when all the questions start, and really improves about 5. It sounds egotistical, but I know I'm good at my job. I know that I wouldn't have the demands on me if I wasn't. The problem I'm facing now is that I've created a monster. I have ideas and suggestions, so my colleagues use them. I'm so busy helping them to their job, I'm struggling to get mine done.

I need some help here. I'm losing the balance I was starting to build in my life. I was lying in bed last night looking at my day. I got up, I had a shower and washed my hair, had coffee and breakfast while I was online, drove to work, worked, took 10 minutes to grab lunch to eat at my desk, worked, drove home, tried not to strangle my landlord, had a glass of wine, put on a face mask, watched TV and was online (yes, those 4 were concurrent. Multitasking anyone?), and went to bed. Did I make anyone happy? What made me happy (besides my call with the boy on my way home)? Did I add value to anyone's life yesterday? I know I made one of the richest men in the world richer. Wow, that's an achievement.

Help me out here. What helps you find balance? How do you stop work from being all consuming? What makes you happy? What helps you stop the world and take time?

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

nobody wows him like I do.

bouncing off walls, blushing.

Things that make me go :)

That last post depressed the bejesus out of me, so what it will do to you, especially if you are coming back from your holiday, I dread to think.

So, some of the things that make me smile today.

• My boy is back, bouncing off walls, but back, and says he's missed me heaps. :) How do I know - I've spoken to him 4 times today, and been on messenger with him 3 times, plus texting. Wish he hadn't fallen asleep when I left work.
• Talking to my 17 year old cousin interstate using messenger.
• Swapping MySpace messages with my 15 year old cousin interstate.
• My current obsession playlist (yes, that's what I called it) on my iPod. Obsessed with music - me? Always. So, now I'm going to share them with you, in no particular order.

1. Gone Daddy Gone - Gnarls Barkly
2. Flathead - The Fratellis (I blame you apple)
3. Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Roisin Murphy
4. LDN - Lily Allen (I'm still trying to work out which West Indian calypso she has sampled)
5. Hey Now Now - The Cloud Room
6. The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani (and yet, it reminds me so much of Forever your Girl, and a Kylie song)
7. Suddenly I see - KT Tunstall
8. And I am telling you I'm not Going - Jennifer Hudson
9. God only knows - The Beach Boys
10. Funky Tonight - John Butler Trio (he plays the mouth harp - how cool is that?!)
11. Bang the Drum - Todd Rundgren
12. The Way - Fastball
13. I don't feel like dancing - Scissor Sisters
14. Love in the first degree- Bananarama (I have to get me some stripey outfits, kind of like Where's Wally in black and white)
15. Candyman - Christina Aguilera (the one song on her 2 disc album that screamed "hi, I'm a single")
16. I just don't know what to do with myself - Paul McDermott and Marcia Hines
17. Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddies

Did I mention that my boy was back? I did? Are you sure? Anyway, he is back, and there are prezzies for me too :)

Getting reacquainted

I think I'm officially a geek. I've been a very happy little Vegemite reacquainting myself with the laptop, and setting up everything that I want to use the way that I want to use it. Nearly there.

While I was away I managed to post my 100th post - to think I didn't even notice because I worked out how to email myself. I'll have to go back through and work out which it was.

I've been looking at some of the stats for how people have been visiting this blog (I told you I was a geek), and I think I can safely say that music is the key way people are finding me - see the list below for proof. I'm pretty proud that one person typed "I hate hewlett packard" into google and found me. I am not alone. To the optimist who typed "the appeal of paris hilton"into google - good luck - I don't think I helped you, but I hope you find your answer. I know one of the searches was me (not the hp one) because I had some spare time at work, had a mental blank for the url of one of my favourites, googled myself (yes, I'm tragic) and visited you from the link on my homepage.

12.50% build me up buttercup baby
6.25% what film had schools out for summer in the sound track
6.25% world party private revolution
3.13% who sang the song boys,boys,boys,(summertime love)
3.13% schools out culture beat
3.13% who wrote buttercup baby?
3.13% why do you build me, build me up, buttercup, baby, just to let me down
3.13% why do you build me up buttercup, baby
3.13% why do you build me up buttercup baby just to let me down
3.13% why do you build me buttercup baby
3.13% why do you build buttercup
3.13% song wake up australia
3.13% why do you build me up (build me up) buttercup, baby
3.13% engagement daryl braithwaite
3.13% the appeal of paris hilton
3.13% why wont you build me up
3.13% who wrote the song build me up buttercup
3.13% this is what it is
3.13% why do you build me up buttercup
3.13% why do you build me buttercup
3.13% build me up buttercup baby just to let me down
3.13% why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down?
3.13% why do you build me buttercup baby just let me down
3.13% the monitors singing in the 80's
3.13% why do you build me up build me up buttercup baby
3.13% daryl braithwaite engage
3.13% i hate hewlett packard

So many people want to know about build me up buttercup though - I am not the only tragic in the world!!!!