End of an era

We settled on our new house last Wednesday. We spent the weekend painting and working out the best way to set up the rooms. We move house on Saturday. I have soooooo much packing still to do.

Tonight on my way to the gym my brother stopped me. He said that he has just realised that tomorrow night is his last chance to tease the cat. When I said that he is welcome to visit and tease the cat whenever he likes he told me that it isn't the same.

I'm so excited about the future and our life together, but right now I'm having a little cry.

It has really hit me tonight that I won't be living with my brother anymore. He is my closest sibling. Always has been and always will be. He is 2 years, 9 hours and 11 minutes younger than me. I know that he will always be there for me, but I'm not going to have that daily contact anymore.

I will miss that.

I want him to be happy. He isn't at the moment. I can't make that happen for him. I worry about him.

I will miss him.

*Oh, and teasing the cat - more like spending hours patting him, scratching his belly and talking to him. Definitely not a case for the RSPCA.

Relief

He came home.

I was locking up the house last night and turning off lights when I heard a strange noise at the front door. I opened it to have a look and there is was.

Very skinny, very dirty and with a very rusty sounding meow. When I patted him, I could feel his spine through his fur, and all his body fat has gone. The poor thing was starving.

He has eaten several meals and has been OK, but we are going to the vet tomorrow to have him checked out. He is due for his vaccination too so I'll have that done at the same time.

My brother was the funniest. I knocked on his door for about 20 minutes last night, and all I got out of him was that yeah, yeah, George is home, but I'm asleep. I'm so glad I got to see his face this morning when he saw George for the first time - he was so happy.

I'm so relieved. I really missed him. He is lying across my chest and stomach as I type this.

Missing

I got my cat's registration papers in the mail today. Normally that would be a non event, except tonight is the seventh night in a row he hasn't come home.

I miss him terribly. I miss the 15 minutes before my alarm goes off spent cuddling with him. I miss him sitting on my chest when I'm using my laptop, headbutting my chin and purring. I miss him sitting on my feet when I'm watching TV. I miss him ignoring me whenever he sees my boyfriend. I miss him headbutting his food box when I'm trying to feed him. I miss him following me when I go for a walk. I miss watching him sitting on the fence when I get home, waiting for me to open the door. I miss him jumping into my car when I get home and open the door, walking around having a good sniff to see where I've been. I miss the look on his face when it is hot and I rub him down with an ice cube. I miss hearing his purr.

I hate not knowing where he is. I really need to know if he is alive or dead. Whenever I drive, I'm scanning the side of the road looking for him. On the way to work on Tuesday I had to pull over because I saw a bundle of fur squashed onto the road. It wasn't him, but I still lost it for a little while.

I keep thinking I can hear his bell, and I get out of bed and walk around looking for him, or I mute the TV to listen more carefully. I keep hearing bells.

I just want my kitten back.

The big question

I'm babysitting my four and a half year old half sister tonight. I spoke to my stepmother last night, and apparently they had a battle royale at the supermarket yesterday. Princess 4 insisted on buying cat food just in case I bought my cat over to help babysit her. She was not happy when her mother said no. What will I tell her about why George won't be joining us?

Rest well

For the first time in my life, no pet lives at my family home.

Tonight, just after 6pm, my brothers cat was put to sleep by the local vet. For the last 16 years she has had a pretty good life. Even tonight, when my sister went to find her to say goodbye, she was coming back down the street after visiting the neighbours. She hasn't been well for the last year or so, but her will to live, and obvious enjoyment of life has stayed our hand. Yesterday, she didn't want to eat, didn't want to drink, and was obviously suffering from paralysis of her back legs. She didn't even try to hide from a visiting dog. She spent the rest of yesterday on her sheepskin on the couch, being patted in moderation, sniffing at hands, and occasionally condescending to lick at some of her cooked chicken, heated in the microwave. Very much the centre of attention, being the grand lady she always tried to be.

My brother is devastated. He spent most of last week at the family home, looking after her while our parent's were away on holiday. I think he will be glad that he spent the last week with her, "kicking back, watching tv, hand feeding her", grooming her and letting her sleep on the bed. I don't think he is there yet. We've gone through a lot of tissues here, and I got home to find a note telling me that he "need(ed) to go out for a while, might not be back til tomorrow". Then he filled the note with a stack of domestic stuff about hanging out the towels, keys, and then just signed it with RIP Miss McP. I lost it then.

I thought I was OK. I knew that it was time for her to go, and I've been expecting it since last year. I managed to hold it together all day at work after seeing her this morning to say goodbye. She was still with it, sniffing at my hand and licking it, but she was so cold. I've talked to Mum three times today, sorting out the logistics of the family and everyone saying their farewells, I've had three phone calls with my sister, with her getting more and more upset every time, and Mum says she just sobbed for 45 minutes at home tonight. Once I got home, and read that note, and listened to Mum on the answering machine talking about it, I lost it. I'm still sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Thank goodness for aloe vera tissues.

There are no pets left at home anymore. The four of us have moved out, and are apparently mature adults. I have my cat. My sister has her chickens and her boyfriends dog. My other brother has his dogs. The brother living with me doesn't have any. We don't have any pets that we have shared time with all together any more.. We've lost that common pet ground as we all move on with our lives. We are still family, but we have more apart than together.

We won't see your round ginger, white and brown face peeking out from your grass hut again. You won't accost every person walking past the fence from your perch on the letterbox.

Rest well, Miss Puss. You will always sleep under the geraniums now.