Not very helpful

My subconscious mind is sacked. All it could give me last night was that the guy I used to work with who is now at the new company was going to ask me to marry him, and George W Bush is going to do an ad for a new small Nissan using the song Flathead by The Fratellis.

Not very helpful at all. Confused? Yes.

Introduction

Rock, meet hard place. I'm sorry I'm between you keeping you separated.

So, my work has been coming back with counter offers. Mainly around development rather than money at this stage. They are more interested in getting the development right for me, and ensuring that I'm happy and challenged and then working on the money. I must admit that I do like that approach. They have also asked me for a list of everything that I want in terms of remuneration so that we can work through it. They have also been flying senior management down from Sydney to talk to me about staying.

Today I had coffee with the MD of the company that really wants me. I put all my cards on the table. I told him that I needed to work through the options that I am being presented at my current employer so that I can walk away without any regrets. I need it to be right for me so I don't turn around in three months and say "I wish ... " So I got an email from him this evening. They have increased their salary offer by $10k per year, added in a laptop, CBD carpark and home high speed internet access. No fries though. My brother suggested that I get a playstation for him as well.

By this time tomorrow night the decision will be made. I suspect I will come down to the coin flip. Heads I stay, tails I go. My reaction when I see the coin will tell me everything I need to know.

Lest we forget

Shadowy figures walk through the dawn's half light. Shapes without distinctive features. Medals jingle in the silence. The scent of rosemary hangs in the air. Clouds of breath form as murmurs travel through the stillness. A hush falls. Small white paper crosses dot the grass. From above, the lone piper starts playing.

Lest we forget.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them

We have a long weekend this weekend. Anzac Day is one of my favourite public holidays. I think it is because it is a day honouring people.

Friday morning I'll be going to a local Dawn Service - with my Dad, my boy, my brother and sister in law, my sister and hopefully my other brother. I think the Dawn Service is a lovely way to commemorate the day. We stand in the morning cold, surrounded by the mist. The only colour is the frost or dew on the grass and the flame. The hushed reverence of murmured voices, the poignance of the Last Post.

The saga continues

So, I got to have my chat with the State Director today. It was really positive with her listening to what I had to say. It was good to have hear repeat everything back to make sure she was clear. Apparently I can expect a formal counter offer tomorrow. I also get to have a chat with the Victorian Sales Director tomorrow - he has some insight that he wants to share with me. He also wants to buy me coffee, and that buys a whole lotta listening. If he pouts or pulls puppy dog eyes on me again though, I'm outta there. Then I get to have a conference call with Sydney and 2 more managers there. That should be fun. Apparently HR want to have a chat with me too. Who knew it took this many people to try to keep me. I'm waiting for the partridge in the pear tree to be pulled out. That or the kitchen sink. Just one day of the process at a time. My official resignation date still sits as yesterday.

Jelly, no such thing as unsolicited advice - especially when I'm blogging it. I really appreciate everyones comments on this. It really does help to see things from a different perspective.

Take this job ...

I resigned today. It didn't go so well. My boss refused to accept my resignation, told me that me leaving was unthinkable and asked me what she needs to do to keep me. I talked her through my pro and con spreadsheet, and we are having a meeting again tomorrow to go through it. She is planning a counter offer.

It is important to me that we go through this process all the way - I want to leave on good terms, and the negotiation process is important. I can learn more too. If nothing else, the next person in my job will benefit. Look at me, all community minded. The part I'm most proud of is that the discussions aren't around money. Everything we have said is related to development, career progression and learning.

I don't think I've ever heard the word unthinkable so many times in 15 minutes. I felt like I'd kicked a puppy.

Guilt, isn't it fun.

Tomorrow is another day. Scarlett O'Hara I'm not.

List this

I took this from evalinn

I am: loving the cooler weather, with the leaves turning
I am not: loving cold feet in the middle of the night and the morning
I like: people
I don't like: people
I want: the cat to stop eying off my pumpkin, chili and sour cream soup.
I don't want: to stop learning and growing
I have: a lot of people who love me
I don't have: enough self belief
I know: that I am not perfect
I don't know: everything

I've just reread this - I sound like a reality TV contestant - eek!

If it's Sunday, I must have a dilemma

I've been offered a job. A very good job. A job that would give me a lot of very nice benefits as well as good mental challenges. Being the uber geek that I am, I've spent a lot of time with a spreadsheet listing the pros and cons of each company. I'm pretty confident that I've made my decision, but thought it wouldn't hurt to list them here too.

Company A
Pros
The team
A lot to learn from Sales Director and Group Sales Manager
Leave for September/October already approved
Close to public transport
Able to be flexible when necessary for appointments

Cons
Hate the way that I am feeling at work - seem to be constantly angry, frustrated, bitchy and cynical
Don't feel like I'm doing my job - always seem to be supporting systems, not doing what I'm paid for.
To grow in my career with the company means moving to Sydney
Very little support from Sydney - I have had a new manager in Sydney since the beginning of January and still have yet to meet him.

Company B
Pros
New challenges
Mentored into a management role by August
The team
Going back to more of a start up feel - have more input into systems and processes
Working with a legend in my industry (who I really like as a person)
My September/October leave will be honoured (and paid)
Close to public transport
Career Development without moving to Sydney
International support to deal with work when needed without staying back
Additional resources
Team has international experience - a lot of different things to learn

Cons
Have to establish myself in a new company
What if I suck as a manager?
How much extra will I be expected to do with a crackberry, or is it just for emergencies within specific times?
Not sure just how much flexibility I will have - a crackberry should do it though

So, what do you think? I haven't listed any salary or benefit options - I'm reasonably confident that my current employer will do anything they can salary wise to keep me, so I'm not factoring that in at all.

Going nowhere

Legs pumping up and down in time with the beat. I can feel the power in my legs. The song changes, and my legs move faster. It's one of my favourites and I sing along silently. No one around me needs to hear singing. My legs keep working. Beep. Time to get off the bike.

I'm back

Well, that was a lovely unplanned blogholiday. Thanks to my ISP for their outstanding incompetent boobery. I think I might need a new phrase, but that one sums them up way too well.

So while I was away, what's been happening? I learnt that I don't control everything around me. Pretty scary. I like controlling everything around me, but I've learnt I can't.

Know what else - I like me. I'm not sure where it has come from, but all of a sudden, I like who I am. I don't know if I've ever been able to say that before in my 30 odd years, but I can, and I mean it. I've noticed that I've changed the way that I walk, and I'm not waiting for anyone else anymore. I can take on the world, and if I need to, I can win. I'm not alone if I need help either.

I can honestly say that I'm happy. And I like it.