In my last post I mentioned he whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with (to hereby be known as hwiwtstromlw otherwise I'll go batty). Oddly enough, I have mentioned him a couple of times before;
here, and slightly misleadingly
here. Of course, that assumes you have read every single word I've ever written on this blog. Ego, anyone?
But I digress. A little history, to clarify. In the depths of last century, I met hwiwtstromlw at a nightclub - one of his friends was chasing one of my friends, turned out we had a long history of being at the same place at the same time, and never quite meeting. We started what ended up being almost 3 years worth of relationship. We broke up, probably a year after we should have - mainly because I always wanted my own way, and so did he, and neither of us knew how to compromise, and honestly, we were both probably too selfish to even consider it. The other big sticking point was his insecurity around the difference in our sexual histories (him 1 partner - me, me 10 ish), and probably my lack of consideration of that. Considering some of the nasty things that came out of both our mouths in the last year, it is a real miracle that we ever spoke again. Probably the best example of our maturity came right at the very end, when I was waiting for him to pick me up to go the beach, he never showed, I called to see where he was, and he was wandering around his local shops, said that he didn't want to spend the day with me as I had been such a bitch the night before, I told him to fuck off and have a nice life. End of relationship.
Looking back now, I think that we were both more in love with being in love, and having a boyfriend/girlfriend, than actually being interested in each other as people. As for liking each other as people, and caring about opinions and thoughts - forget it!
In the 12 months or so after we split, we started to actually have real conversations and got to know each other much better as people, and caring about each other. I was the first person he called after his fathers stroke, and his mothers heart attack. He was the first person I called when I discovered I was going to be a big sister again, when I got a promotion at work, whenever anything big happened in my life. One of the best things that happened was that he suddenly discovered reading, which has been a passion of mine all my life, wasn't so bad, and raids my bookcase at least once a week. We seem to have finally mastered communication and compromise, and have successfully negotiated 2 overseas trips and quite a few within Australia without major fights or nastiness. Most importantly, we seem to have got past pretending everything is good all of the time, and work through differences together, and can compromise.
We have both dated other people, and I think have both suffered from comparing them to each other. In between, we have probably been what can best be described as best friends with fringe benefits (and the fringe benefits do keep getting better and better). hwiwtstromlw said last week that he has realised that he doesn't want to see me with anyone else, and is much happier when I am with him. I'm glad he finally caught up - I've been there for at least a year. Let me tell you, there have been many tears and much sadness over that.
His friends have accused him of being committment phobic, and I have too. Not in relation to myself either - all of his girlfriends over the past few years. On Saturday he asked me whether I would prefer an engagement ring or a deposit on a house. How much does he think engagement rings cost? Honestly, I don't really want a big flashy engagement ring, I think that if it came from him it could be from a vending machine at the supermarket. Okay, slight dramatic over exaggeration (is that tautology?), I would like something nice, but I'm not a fan of diamonds. I don't remember where I read it, but I have always liked the idea of pearls, even though they are supposed to be for tears, after all, I shed tears when I'm happy and sad.
I trust him with my life, and know that he knows me better than anyone, sometimes better than I know myself. If I have had a bad day spending time with him is like sinking into a warm, safe, comfortable bath, where I feel secure, protected, and part of a team. He isn't always the most "romantic", but tends to show his care and concern in more practical ways; not letting me change lightbulbs if I have to stand up on an unstable chair, washing my car for me, showing up with a home cooked meal when he knows I've been working too hard and can't be bothered facing the kitchen to cook for just one. Even just the little things like opening doors for me (and he never did that for our entire 3 year relationship). I love that I can still shock and outrage him with some of the things I say when least expected, I love that he gets angry and upset over insults to me, but still lets me fight my own battles.
I'm pretty proud that we are both so much nicer to each other now, and that we have come so far. We still have a stack of practical and logistical issues to deal with, especially around hwiwtstromlw's family situation (works part time, primary carer for his parents), and dealing with my lovely, yet infuriating family.
*apologies to cmhl for stealing her acronym style - it was just the easiest way to do it
