Sunday, August 06, 2006

Blogging as therapy ...

Jellyhead has a thought provoking post about her daughters dance class, and it provoked me into thinking about the different groups of girls at my primary school.

I was horrendously shy at primary school. I wasn't really interested in running around all the time, rather I wanted to read. You name it and I wanted to read it. Still do come to think of it. We didn't really watch much TV, so I couldn't talk about the TV that other kids watched. Thank goodness for the ABC. Mum was pretty strict with what movies we were allowed to watch, so I didn't get to see most of the movies that other kids saw and talked about. In Grade 3, we were all weighed, and I was the heaviest in the grade at 35 kilos. Talk about being scarred for life because I can still remember it. The teasing from both boys and girls was insane.

What little confidence I had took a real battering all the way through primary school. I was unlucky enough to be in the same year, and frequently the same class as a bully. She delighted in the put down, and specialised in the you are my friend, now you aren't manoeuvre. I spent close to 7 years dreading this girl, and just hoping that she would ignore me. It didn't work so well. Interestingly enough, Mum said something the other day about this girl and her mother. Apparently when I was in Grade 4, both Mum and her mother were pregnant at the same time. I got a little sister. Mum said that she couldn't face this girls mother for over a year, as her baby was strangled by the umbilical cord during childbirth. Looking back now, I can't imagine how devastated the entire family must have been - I'm sure that contributed to her vileness in later primary. I must admit to a certain bitchy satisfaction in year 9 when I heard a rumour (never confirmed) that she had been expelled from her exclusive private school for cheating during her exams by writing the answers on her thigh.

I had friends at school - we were the odd ones, and definitely not the popular group. Suddenly in Grade 6, one of my friends was absorbed by the popular group, and the rest of us were tolerated on the fringe. I've never forgotten the day that the Queen Bee of Grade 6 looked over at me and said "you know, if you were like this all of the time, you could be popular". Ouch!

I've been thinking about all of this for the last couple of days since reading Jellyhead's post. It is definitely time that I processed all this and moved on, and think I finally have. Primary school doesn't define me 20 years after leaving. Thanks Jellyhead.

1 comment:

jellyhead said...

You're so right, thisisme. We are NOT who we were pigeonholed as at school.

I had a hard time in primary school, too, as we moved several times. My parents also refused to buy me a school uniform (why, I'm not sure), so I had to endure the teasing about my second-hand, *awfully* daggy clothes. Plus I was a bookworm, too, and occasionally forgot to 'dumb down' my vocabulary, which caused even more hassles.

These days, when people dismiss me, or treat me with disdain, I'm more likely to wonder what THEIR problem is, rather than 'what's wrong with me?' It's all about attitude, right?!